#027: Friendship feels like being 16 again?Only now it's WhatsApp instead of MSN Messenger

Today is national friendship day, a day that celebrates arguably the most important relationships in our lives, but I want to shout out to anyone else who is finding friendships really hard.

I’ve had lots of different friendships over the years. I’ve moved and travelled a lot, so I have little pockets of groups. But when I opened up to a few people who are still really close to their school friends, they admitted they feel the same.

Confession- I no longer know where I fit.

I’ve changed. Perimenopause has changed me. On one hand, I give far fewer f*cks. My tolerance is lower, and I can’t do surface-level chat anymore. But on the other hand, I’ve never felt more sensitive. If I’m left out of something, I spiral. I imagine people are talking about me. I feel unwanted. It’s like being 16 all over again.

And in a way, it is. Someone once described perimenopause as “the second puberty,” and I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything truer.

I don’t have all the answers (I’m still in the messy middle). But here’s what I am trying:

Widening my circle - making new friends and connecting with people who share my interests. It’s awkward at first, but friendships built on shared passions feel so much more solid than ones based on convenience and physical proximity.

Talking to my friends - actually telling them how I feel. I did this recently (felt physically sick), but it turned out lots of them felt the same way.

Friendship is one of the most important relationships we have, but like all relationships, it requires work and commitment. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Love Valerie x